Darrah Brustein is a Forbes writer and founder of , a series of networking events for professionals in Atlanta, Nashville, and Baltimore. She鈥檚 also the creator of the , which in its first year brought together 45 experts like Deepak Chopra and Adam Grant and over 10,000 participants.
When I ask event planners, 鈥淲hat does the term 鈥榥etworking鈥� mean to you?鈥�, I tend to get a variety of answers. Many of them boil down to something that is taker-oriented, self-serving, and oddly dirty.
As an event planner myself for a group of over 30,000 people, it鈥檚 my hypothesis that this overwhelmingly accepted definition of 鈥榥etworking鈥� as selfish is wrong. Instead, networking is about connection and growing together by sharing ideas and resources.
Here鈥檚 why the current way event planners use networking isn鈥檛 working 鈥� and why if you do the opposite, you鈥檒l be poised for greater success.
They inadvertently create transactional environments
Networking boils down to a relationship between two people. Compare it to dating: Do you go in for the kiss when you meet someone? Do you propose after the first date? In most cases, the answer is 鈥榥o.鈥櫬�
Then why do so many assume that it鈥檚 okay to jump from 鈥渉ello鈥� to what they can get out of someone while networking? It leaves the other person feeling used and like they鈥檙e not respected.聽
Flip interactions from transactional to relational. Take your time and finesse it a bit.聽
Focus on distance versus sprints
Relationships are long-term. By looking to extract immediate value before a real relationship has been formed, you overlook the basics.聽
People want to help people they know, like, and trust. And that takes time to nurture. So think long-term and take your time.
Find ways to add value on the spot
People want to help those who help them. There鈥檚 a psychological 鈥�鈥� whereby one feels compelled to give back to those who give to them. While it鈥檚 not why we offer value to others before we take, it鈥檚 one more compelling reason to do so.
One way I add value is to ask questions to my guests that enable me to quickly learn something about them. I then offer to connect them with someone else at the event with whom they have something in common and/or can help one another. I scale myself by having a team of ambassadors (1 per 10 guests) who does the same.
Don鈥檛 wait until it鈥檚 too late
If you go out looking to build relationships when you need something, you鈥檝e started too late. You should give twice as much value as you take from a relationship.聽
For that reason, it鈥檚 tough to start on the right foot if you鈥檙e laying a foundation with your immediate need. It鈥檚 best to turn to your trusted network whom you already have in those cases.
Ask better questions than 鈥淲hat do you do?鈥�
There is a lot more to a person than their title, industry, or company name. By asking that immediately, you become perceived as someone who is making snap judgments based on their reply and how much it matters or is helpful to you.聽
Instead, ask questions about the person. That could be 鈥榃hat are you working on that鈥檚 exciting right now?鈥� or 鈥榃hat motivated you to come to this event?鈥�.聽
One trick we use is to have an icebreaker question whose answer goes on guests鈥� name tags like 鈥淲here is your happy place?鈥� or 鈥淚f you could win a gold medal in any sport, real or fake, what would it be?鈥�.聽
Anything that allows them to light up a bit and connect as humans, not as talking business cards.
Keep your body language open
When you dart your eyes around a room, angle your body away from the person talking with you, or cross your arms so that both hands are hidden, your body language screams you don鈥檛 care and want to escape. Be respectful and be present in the moment, not hungrily looking for someone whom you think is 鈥榖etter鈥�.
Flip the script. Give first. It works 鈥� I鈥檝e grown two successful companies solely through giving-centric relationships.聽
So, how do you host your own networking events where you flip old-school 鈥榙irty鈥� networking on its head and create a better environment for your attendees? Read for a step-by-step guide.
And if you want to really uplevel your event, check out this ebook to find out how to create moments of connection at your event.
